a wet seed wild in the hot blind earth (johnnystiletto) wrote in asfaalumni,
a wet seed wild in the hot blind earth
johnnystiletto
asfaalumni

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nuff said

my dear emma kindly insisted that i post about the yearbook ad riddled with 4 years worth of inside jokes.

just to be a nasty little swot, i've even scanned it. yes, i'm a nerd. a nerd with a nice shiny new scanner.

disclaimer: i am looking at these for possibly the first time since i GOT this yearbook. gut reactions aplomb.



yearbook

here goes nothing:

1.) deania, the first dorm 'mother' i remember besides barbie and ken, referred to us as her 'roaches'. most of the time when we saw her, all she'd say, is, 'clean your room, roach.' she also took me to the doctor about 93540657308 times.

2.) aforementioned dorm father's ('ken') favorite phrase of all time. usually regarding those damn weekend passes necessary for leaving campus.

3.) oh god, can i remember all five? krystal, funky, music, room, finger. yep, guess so. i'll elaborate only if you ask nicely. for god's sake, why would someone CHOOSE to be called 'funky'??

4.) our first month at asfa, alia and i got into some of the theatre dept's glue. and we covered the old building's theatre (and jennifer bashaw's hair) with big sticky handprints. also totally made out with jay mcfarland in some closet. 2 days before graduation, mr easterling gave me and alia 2 bottles of elmers. he was the one who had caught us sticky handed 4 years prior.

5.) addie jo chambers. need i say more. ps: she had breath like a corpse exhumed too soon.

6.) dorm + beanbags = hiding places for booze. (reilly's beanbag to be specific). at room check one night we all jumped on it looking (and smelling) quite boozy when the ra came in. beanbags are not supposed to clink.

7.) refers to the SWATH of neck/chest hair sprouting forth from the collar of one mr. eric dimitrov. he told us it drives the ladies wild.

8.) der lunchfuhrer, karin thrasher. 4 years at asfa, and i still got nervous that i wouldnt get the correct lunch.

9.) eww eww eww. lisa gallahar brought some dudes from talladega to the first semiformal, and one danced with krystal katz to be nice. the braille bit refers to a nasty bout of bacne he encountered. eww eww eww.

10.) i think poogus was present for this one...i got some funk nasty brownie from the lance machine (dont go round horny) and it tastes like ASS WARMED OVER. so, i balled it up and threw it straight up as i stood in the dinner line. it stuck to the ceiling right at the door entering the lunchroom line. it was still there my last day at asfa. and on 2 subsequent alumni party visits. ten bucks says its still there. OH! and apparently it was PAINTED OVER at some point during the bastardization of asfa.

11.) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. heather kemp had these tie dyed jeans in the oh so coordinating shades of pink, purple, and butt brown. miss lugemwa (who we always tried to get to say 'booger') asked her if she fell in some mud (being that brown strongly deviated from her usual fashion repertoire of pink and purple). now, theresa griffin totally DID fall in the mud during freshman year, but it wasn't nearly as awesome as our mud fight.

12.) Yes I Can merits no explanation. page 54 of the 98 yearbook features some ugly ass girl doing the Yes I Can with religious fervor. (ok, so it has to do with this awful third grade girl scouts t shirt that heather wore EVERY OTHER GOD DAMN DAY).

13.) jamie giganti and krystal were roommates. this was not the best of pairings. one night alia and i were chatting when jamie came out of her room, looked right at us, and yelled '2 bucks, no? but krystal will'. apparently krystal didnt know what a 2 dolla ho was.

14.) falkner wad + ms sparks = hilarity. add a little michael davidson wu tang action and you can actually drive someone insane in less than a year. some people REALLY put everything they have into their art.....

15.) grace nicholson and i roomed together in the filthiest abode in the history of asfa. we decorated with spam cans and libby's corned beef cans and there was a cereal box and two bra underwires on our door. her g'ma had a birthday party, and grace brought some of the punch back to the room in a 2 liter bottle. note: the punch was COMPLETELY non alcoholic. well, being nasty little dorm kids, we drank straight from the bottle like all good o.g.'s do. combine spit (bacteria), fruit juice, and a tightly bottled environment long enough, and fermentation (and resultant gases) is bound to occur. after a few months the bottle EXPLODED suddenly, shredding my far side calendar and rendering angela buenaventura deaf for a good 4 hours. the smell of fermented grape action was heavy, and the ras all ran to see what the loud BOOM was. well, they smelled the boozey smell, and we had to explain the whole grape punch debacle to keep from getting in HUGE trouble. i still dont understand how my calendar got shredded.

16.) Wade's Law is basically: dont learn it if it isnt going to be on the test, thus the teacher will not teach the material if its not on the test.

BONUS: houston reminded me of when we all thought trey mcelveen had klinefelter's syndrom (XXY) and brad bingert was contemplating how to get blood DISCREETLY from trey so we could test it or do an immunoassay or electrophoresis or whatnot. RAD!!
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